tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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