im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
