my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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