Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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