he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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