I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
