You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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