You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
