you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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