Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How external is "for external use only"?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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