Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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