Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
