I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
