So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
