hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
