this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
