why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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