if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
