Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize