it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
