This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
