After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
