Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
