Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
