I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
