I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
