he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
