i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My bed smells like the plague
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
