You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
and you fell through a lawn chair
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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