HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
