I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
