Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
