Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
