she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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