I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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