Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
