carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
