I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
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