Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
