As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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