i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
