fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
