I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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