just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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