Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize