He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
