So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
