I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
