seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
