im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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