Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize