WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
