In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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