i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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