I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we're so committed to being not committed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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