She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
love makes seman taste better
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize