i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
