Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
