Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
