I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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