I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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