cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
