Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
