Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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