I bet he comes in French.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am available for nakedness
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
