I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
