oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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