Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
