Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
