I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize