i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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